The Words shared by My Dad That Helped Us as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider failure to communicate between men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."